We have all been there, one way or another. Mobbing and bullying are a sad part of growing up. It was our reality and unfortunately it is the reality of our children.
The only difference is that for us mobbing was a part of our school life and did not continue at home. Today’s youth experience an extreme way of mobbing as it lasts 24 hours and is in much greater scale. I am of course speaking of the cyber-bullying phenomenon, the verbal attack on someone online using the social networks.
The progress of the social online network led to an expansion of the social circle of our kids today. So that they continue interacting at home using Facebook, WhatsApp, chat rooms, etc. At first glance it looks harmless, as mostly the youth use the social networks to plan social gatherings, and to share their experiences and thoughts. The problem begins when the thoughts shared are abusive to others. Coursing, lying, revealing private correspondence and private information on a vast platform beyond the classroom, school or even town, all leaves the victim exposed suffocated and despaired. This feeling does not leave the victim at home or in class, and often leads to depression and in some cases even suicide.
The law is beginning to change the last few years but the anonymity of the internet and the unwillingness of the social networks to co-operate and share information with the police, leaves the authority branches of the government in many countries almost helpless in preventing justice from being served (as it is hard to catch the abusers and bring them to justice).
With a relatively weak justice system and an evasive abuser staying behind the internet curtain what can we offer our children today?
The parents are the ones who can help the most as they are detached from the school system and can offer a refuge for the abused child. Here are some tips for them. I will mention I am not a parent, but I was a child and was mobbed:
1. Parent; Find your balance between aggressiveness parenting and letting go too easily.
In the next video (that is part of a movie based on a real story) we see a harsh reality of mobbing and abusing a kid who gets home and feels so ashamed that he decides to handle the issue in an extreme way. His mother spoke to him shortly before and asked if he is ok? She sensed something was up but did not insist.
I believe mostly there are two types of parents: The ones who believe that if they don’t push the child he will trust them and tell them when he is ready (which he might never be). And the ones who push the kid with threats and aggressiveness to share the information creating a hostile environment for the child.
Both types are in my opinion wrong and I recommend a mixture of both.
The mixture should present itself in asking first but if you as a parent feel there is something there; promise your child you will not take any action without consulting him. One of the biggest fears of a teenage is that the parents get caught up in the event and would want to reach out to an authority figure such as a school teacher ,principal or the other students’ parents. This can lead to more abuse the parents are not always aware of.
Any decision made has got to involve the child as he is the victim here and he knows the complexity of the social structure he is in. whatever you do, don’t betray his trust in you.
To parents in general:
2. Limited supervised time online:
I understand in today’s world surfing in these social networks is a huge part of your kids’ social lives, but toughen up! Don’t surrender to your kid and let him be on the computer for hours. Even if you have one of those internet blockers. Porn websites and other over 18 websites are not the only danger online they encounter.
3. Create other activities around the house for the child:
Even if you work full time and do not have energy to monitor your child, and we all know that the computer is the best babysitter there is, create at least an hour every night of doing something else. Going for a walk, reading, even watching a funny TV show (family rated of course) with him.
This hour will be a memory he has for the rest of his life. I had a time like this with my mother watching a show that made me forget everything that happened at school even for a short while. Every day at 16:30 it was our time and we were in another world. The most important thing is – give your child time to breath from the school social life that chases him home.
Parents are not the only responsible ones. Teachers and the students who are not getting abuse but stand there and do nothing are also responsible. If you recall in my first blog I wrote of my act as a child defending a mobbed kid which lead to me being mobbed. So I understand children are afraid of being bullied themselves, but I was just one person. If all the bystanders will unite or even just some of them, the bullies in the class CAN be beaten. A bully can only exist if we enable him.
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